My Friend Stan

My Friend Stan

As you all know out there, the Kroenkes hired me in September 2020 at 1m euro per year to write this blog to give them propaganda among the fanbase. Luckily they never seemed to bother to read it so I wrote what I liked, including a few Kroenke out pieces, most notoriously when they joined the European Super League and after they heard what I had written, they pulled out after 2 days.

The Kroenke's Hunting channel

But that is all about to change. They finally have put a spy amongst the ASCB supporters to read my stuff and have warned me that no more anti Kroenke pieces will be tolerated. But I say to hell with them, I am going rogue. I will tell all the secrets I have found out by being at the heart of the most powerful family and will do without my 1m euro.

They are expert hunters and shooters

The only thing I am worried about is that they are big fans of shooting and hunting, particularly endangered species, including TV channels devoted to this and they may decide to hunt me down like the traitorous dog that I am. Being human, I suppose I could be regarded as part of an endangered species. I am worried that they will create a TV series called Hunt the Worthless one down to teach me a lesson.

Only Stan can get kids here

But nothing will stop me. I will tell you all the secrets garnered over the years. I mean, do you know that Stan Kroenke went to Walmart for two of his 4 kids? I know Americans go to Walmart for most of their shopping but he must be the only one who got 2 of his kids there.

He Trumps Trump

And what about Donald Trump? Being a good Republican born in staunchly Republican Missouri he donated $1m in 2016 to Trumps inaugural committee. Although Stan may not have been happy when the endangered species of Trump supporters decided to fight back and try to take back America.  All I know about him suggests that all he wants is for Americans to go to the ballgames and spend lots of money there. Mr Trump particularly likes a small ball game and our Stan doesn’t seem to invest in that small ball game. And Stan seems to make gold whever he goes, unlike Mr Trump.

You have small balls, Mr Trump

One area that Mr Kroenke is passionate about is hiring teams of experts and assistants to help the teams win, win, win. So much so that he hires people to do the work that us normal people have to do ourselves. Modern ball players get everything done for them, including, a strong source has told me, bedroom duties, to make sure the players are able to perform on the pitch. Give the fans orgasms, don’t waste that energy on your WAGS.

Could he buy Bulgaria?

You probably don’t know this but our Stan is a huge landowner. He has 3434.28781 sq km of ranch land in the States. Bulgaria has 110.99K sq km and he may decide to buy it to make sure he can hunt me down for his TV show.

Waggoner Ranch in Texas is Stan's biggest

Do you know he is also known as Silent Stan? Now, this is not because of his habit of inaudibly letting off flatulence but rather his reluctance to talk to the media. He never gives interviews.

What he really likes is shopping. In fact he wants all of us to shop like crazy. He controls the ticket sales at all his US sports franchises so he gets everything and he has more than 100 real estate projects, mostly shopping malls. Buy buy buy is his motto to make himself even richer.

My lies have found me out

You cannot cheat forever

But I have to tell you the truth, he didn’t really agree to pay me 1m euro per year. I lied at the start of this blog.  I snuck into his office in 2020 when everyone was watching the match, with a contract ready. I checked around for his signature and forged it very nicely, one of my strengths. Then I pushed it under the door of the financial controller, knowing that no-one will question the mighty Kroenke.

His 3 Degrees, My 3 Degrees or the original?

Of course this was a risky strategy, But I also am a sportsman, I wanted to see if his 3 degrees BA Arts, BA Science and MBA were as good as mine, BA History, BA Anthropology, and MA History. He is a smart guy who reads voraciously, and makes a point of learning everything he can about any new business he gets involved in. But I had to test him.

He has to come to the mountain as the mountain won’t come to him

Plenty of hiding spots here

The money miraculously arrived in my account every month and life was so good. But this week I was found out, and they are gunning for me. I have had to go into hiding in the Bulgarian mountains. One thing Stan Kroenke is, is very smart. He said, let’s get our money back by filming the hunt for the elusive Worthless one, let Hunt the Worthless one down begin. It is coming to a TV channel near you. Don’t miss it. Lucky I have my phone. I will be able to see where they are looking and move on. You are not as smart as me, Stan boy!