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You’re havin’ a laugh, Arsenal I decided to hunt out funny Arsenal quotes to give us a bit of a break from all the doom and gloom at the moment. Arteta out, Arsenal are rubbish, the players don’t know how to play -until we win a few matches and then we are the greatest again. We are the team with the best average points ever in the English top flight, we have the longest unbroken spell in the top flight, we have a gold Premier League trophy, and the first successful foreign manager in English football. We also have some funny men. I bet you didn’t know that Arsene Wenger couldn’t count – “Manuel Almunia took the criticism and responded with one word – his performance on the pitch.” Arsene Wenger uses five words instead of one” Or his grasp of English “Where his balls go, you will be quite surprised.” Arsene Wenger on Denilson’s attributes His knowledge of economics “The Germans do well economically and we respect that. They are the only ones that make money in Europe. That’s why we’ve chosen a German.” Wenger on why Mertesacker was asked to collect player’s fines. Eh? “l should invite you sometimes to come into the dressing room and look at the legs of Alex Hleb after a game. You would be amazed.” Arsene Wenger His knowledge of biology “I’m amazed how big Patrick Vieira’s elbows are – they can reach players 10 yards away.” Arsene Wenger I guess they were elastic Ray Parlour’s cockney accent gave a few problems “Ray is without doubt the funniest player l’ve ever trained with. lt’s so important to have players such as Ray involved with the group, for his contribution on the field and spirit off it. I only wish I could understand more of what he says.” Gilles Grimandi on Ray Parlour Go on, say something, Ray “I can understand everyone apart from Ray Parlour.” Junichi Inamoto Merse probably only knew about betting shops Paul Merson: “Who the f*ck’s that?” Nigel Winterburn: “Bloody hell Merse, it’s Nelson Mandela.” It's Nelson Mandela, Merse David Dein had practical problems and a surprise “We nearly didn’t sign him because the letters did not fit on his shirt.” David Dein on the signing of Giovanni van Bronckhorst “I ran home immediately to my wife in excitement and said, ‘I’ve seen the nearest thing to a Brazilian footballer you’ll ever see in our Academy... and he’s from Lewisham!’” David Dein on David Rocastle Wrighty is right and Adams is honest about Dennis Bergkamp “Dennis Bergkamp is such a nice man, such a tremendous gentleman, with such a lovely family. It’s going to be hard for me to kick him.” Tony Adams on going up against his Gunners teammate on international duty “If Dennis Bergkamp was in Star Trek, he’d be the best player in whatever solar system they were in.” Ian Wright Bodily functions please the fans according to Ashley Cole “He only has to fart during a warm-up and they’re singing his name from the rafters.” Ashley Cole on Freddie Ljungberg It’s hard having a member according to Charlie George Maybe, Charlie “As for that rumour about me having an erection while I was lying there, that’s b*llocks. I never got an erection after scoring a goal.” Charlie George on his famous celebration after scoring the 1971 FA Cup final winner Arsenal people definitely suffer with biology Reporter: “You’re eyes are streaming – are you all right?” Mel Charles: “I’m OK. I’ve just got clitorises in my eyes.” The Gunners player suffered from cataracts Or maybe Grimsby, Nick? Journalist: “Where would your next move be?” Nicklas Bendtner: “If I could decide: Real Madrid or Barcelona.” Bendtner again – unfortunately no-one else “If you ask me if I am one of the best strikers in the world, I’d say ‘yes’ because I believe it.” Nicklas Bendtner You are some funny guy, Nick “Everything I do I always feel very confident. Whether it’s tennis, badminton, football, whatever. I just go out there and think I can do it and most of the time I can. What I’m good at I don’t mind saying because it’s not a secret, is it? Nicklas Bendtner The greatest striker in the world, although this seems like a terrible picture of Thierry Henry At least he got this right “I want to be top scorer in the Premier League, top scorer at the World Cup and over the next five years I want to be among the best players in the world. Trust me, this will happen.” Nicklas Bendtner I believed this one “l am not going to leave. Never. I am staying here for life.” Thierry Henry stays at Arsenal shortly before he leaves for Barcelona Ah, no, Theo Boo hoo Theo “I played so badly that even my parents booed me off when I was substituted.” Theo Walcott on playing for England U21s Our real hard man “The trick was to get in early as possible, hit them hard, give them a good wallop, make them feel as if they’d been in a car crash or hit a brick wall.” Peter Storey We love you Arsenal, we do “Once it was lucky Arsenal. Then it was boring Arsenal, but now we’ve got a real problem because we’re in danger of being liked.” Peter Hill-Wood Eh, yes? “Our objective is to keep Arsenal English, but with a lot of foreign players.” Peter Hill-Wood Don Corleone playing against Arsenal “It’s a bit hard to play like a gentleman with someone closely resembling an enthusiastic member of the mafia swiping his studs down your legs, or kicking you up in the air from behind.” Did Don Corleone really play for Italy? Eddie Hapgood, playing for England in a bad-tempered match against Italy at Highbury Never any problems at the back, Tony “When the captain said there was a problem at the back I thought he meant me and Steve Bould.” Tony Adams after an Arsenal flight was delayed Correct, Dennis “Dennis Bergkamp told me the Dutch always thought of the English as strong but stupid.” Tony Adams It’s a wonderland, Perry Perry Groves - he played every position except no.7 “Kenny Dalglish came on at the same time as me and everyone expected him to win it for Liverpool. But here I was, a ginger-haired nobody, setting up the winning goal for Arsenal.” Perry Groves on the 1987 League Cup final win over the Reds I will leave you with this one The late Peter Hill-Wood “Call me old fashioned, but we don’t need his money and we don’t want his sort. They only see an opportunity to make money. They know sweet FA about our football and we don’t want these types involved.” Peter Hill-Wood after reported interest in the club by US businessman Stan Kroenke

Should we have stayed at Highbury? Quite a lot of you have been at the Emirates. You know what it is all about. It is a commercial wonderland. No matter how much money you have you could spend it there. So c’mon, you have won big on the lottery and you decide to bring a bunch of your mates (15) to an executive box for a big match day? £13125 will leave your pocket which is close to a grand a person. If you decide to let them buy what they want from the Arsenal store that could be any sort of figure. Throw in five star hotels and limousines you could be looking at £30,000 to £50,000 for your day out. And do you want the bad news? I had a look and most are sold out. You have to go on a waiting list. The Captains lounge - one of the many executive boxes The Emirates is a goldmine. Highbury was more like a copper mine. The Kroenke’s expertise is in sports centres that are also shopper’s paradises. They have the largest collection of them in the States. And hey, the ground has capacity for up to 75,000 for which an application to expand has been handed in. No doubt there will be more executive boxes bringing in lots more dosh if successful. A good big guy will always beat a good little one Highbury’s capacity was 38,419 but without anywhere near the footprint of the Emirates. The huge panorama surrounding the ground makes all sorts of possibilities for extracting money from fans. Highbury made $171.76M in its last year in 2006. The latest year for which we have figures for Arsenal is 2022/3 and it is £464M. The current rate of exchange is approx. £131M so you can see something like a 3-4 times rise. But last season we had Champions League football and again this year so the figure will be a lot more. The tight pitch at Highbury There is no argument. The Emirates brings in a lot more cash. It puts us up with the big boys. If we had stayed at Highbury the Kroenkes would have had to find ways of making money from a much lower match-day base. What do the fans say? What about from a fan's point of view? Highbury was more fun for me. It was smaller, more intimate, and the players were nearly in your face. The Emirates is much bigger including the pitch and it is harder to see what’s happening at the other end of the pitch. As against that there is much more happening there, it is easier to buy food and drink and go to the toilet. Arsenal Souvenirs are to be had in abundance. Little chance of meeting the players at the Emirates It is definitely harder to link up with players. At Highbury players would hang around for the fans after a match and you could even find them in the pubs afterwards. Good luck with trying that nowadays. The trophies say no What about trophies? The Emirates has a very long way to go to catch up with Highbury with 4 FA Cups and 5 Charity Shields over 18 years. We do need the Premier League and the Champions League to sit nicely in our trophy cabinet, and many times as well if we are to say that the move was a success. Wenger and Dein - the creators of the Emirates and the saviours of Arsenal The crucial factor is that Arsene Wenger and David Dein knew that the Emirates move was a strategic necessity. Billionaires and oil rich states were coming into play and Arsenal needed to compete. We were the second best current team to Manchester United when we left Highbury and now we are the second best team to Manchester City so it could be argued that, even in a football sense, we are starting to catch up. The move was essential. Our final Highbury years were the greatest The situation looks worse, however if you look at the 18 years of the Emirates against the final 18 years of Highbury. 5 League titles, 1 European Cup-Winners Cup, 5 FA Cups, 1 League Cup and 4 Charity Shields plus one drawn. Add in two doubles and a double League Cup/Fa Cup in 1993 and we surely have a long way to go. I would love to swop the Cupwinners Cup for the Champions League trophy I think it is fair to say that without the revenues of the Emirates, we would have no chance of matching the Highbury achievements of their final 18 years. We do seem to have a lot of strong elements in place to make the next 18 years as strong as those years. I would certainly take those records, particularly if you exchange the Champions League for the defunct Cup-Winners Cup. The Emirates is in a world of its own The Emirates will never have that close atmosphere of Highbury. It looks very different, it feels totally different, and the sound levels from the fans, now that we are winning, is raucous and pulls us all together. The Emirates is still new, shiny and very big. It is the base on which we can now spring forward. Will the Kroenkes ever make the Arsenal stadium better than the Sofi Stadium in Los Angeles which cost them $5.5 billion? In short, it is very hard to make any real comparisons between the two. We had to make the move. We made the right one. We are still in the same area. Islington is still our home. Arsenal is Arsenal and we have shown that our ground is not us, just a part of us. We are Arsenal, we have the best ground in the UK, the best fans (mostly, I don’t like the out brigade or the only support when we are winning brigade) and I think we might just have the best team as well. It is a good time to be an Arsenal supporter.

The greatest English stadium and it is ours I have no idea how many of you Gooners out there who read my stuff have been to the Emirates. There is something like 1000 supporters in ASCB. I would say, judging by the amount I have seen, that quite a few have made the journey. I wonder how many have been to other stadiums in the UK? Probably not so many. Herbert Chapman likes looking at our magnificent stadium Today I want to praise the Emirates Stadium because it is unique. It is in the middle of a very busy part of London and close to the centre. Highbury was great, lively and yet impressive with its marble halls and the closeness of the pitch. However, the Emirates has everything, a museum, a huge shop, an extensive box office, lots of stalls and bars selling all sorts outside and long bars inside to cater for the food and drink of 60,000 spectators. It is a big operation and you become an essential part of the match day experience, you help to create the atmosphere and help Arsenal to win. All of our history can be found there What is it like? There are many statues of our greats, and, as you cross the bridges to get into the main hub, nonstop photos of major figures, past and present. The history of the Arsenal is all round us, everywhere we go. If you go there with a knowledgeable Gooner, such as myself, you can learn what it is that makes Arsenal great just by asking questions about everything you see. In my opinion this is one area in which Arsenal are the best. We have the most tributes to the club on match days because we have a huge area around the stadium. I don’t believe any other club in England has such a panorama. The Henry statue - a great meeting place Another fantastic aspect is if you arrange to meet anyone, there are plenty of excellent meeting points. The statues are the obvious ones, take your choice of all the Arsenal legends commemorated there and take the opportunity for selfies as well. Have your picture taken with the master himself, Arsene Wenger, or Mr Arsenal Tony Adams, or our greatest, Thierry Henry. Mingling with the fans is the greatest experience Outside the ground, there is the Arsenal Supporters club bar which is not only a very useful meeting point but also essential if you are to become a diehard Gooner. It is full of memorabilia from down the days and you may even spot a former top player there. The smell of the burgers is integral to the match day experience I guess most of you that go there come by public transport. There is a huge choice from the Arsenal tube station to the Holloway Road, Highbury and Islington, and Finsbury Road stations where you join the streams of fans chanting and singing. You can never lose your way to the stadium – you just follow the fans. As you get closer there are more and more stalls appearing, selling everything from burgers to scarves, caps, and programmes. The aroma of the food frying lets you know you are home at the Arsenal. You won’t starve and you could end up with more colour on you than any rainbow. I love that walk up to the stadium. I feel more at home then than maybe anywhere. The magic letters get you in All you need to do then is find your turnstile entry letter and there are sixteen A, D, E, H, J, K, M, N & S. which get you into the four stands The North Bank, The Clock End, The West and East Stands. Then you must find your seat but there are plenty of helpful stewards for newbies. It’s all easy. Get in early and there are no queues You first see all the food and drink stalls as they circle the entire ground. There are big queues but they move along quickly enough. You cannot bring alcohol to your seats, though. You create the atmosphere The Emirates is good for viewing in general but watch out if you are on the lower pitchside seats as often people stand for the entire match which means you also have to do so. I have a problem from a badly broken ankle three years ago and I struggle to stand for long periods. I am not tall either so it can be difficult to see. The higher stands are better for such practices as you have a better view of the entire pitch than when you are low where people stand in order to see better. I much prefer the higher stands. Pitchside can be tricky And the atmosphere? It just gets better every year. The addition of North London Forever to our repertoire means that excitement builds from when you hear the opening bars of Louis Dunford’s classic. The sound seems to rise up from the ground, through the stone, and you feel your heart lifting, you become an integral part of the stadium and the Arsenal. You are now Arsenal. You have a bearing on the outcome of the match. You are there to push your team on. You feel the symbiosis creeping into your body as you become one with the team, the crowd, and even the bricks and mortar of the stadium. You know you are home. More spaces = more success? There is talk of increasing the capacity to 75,000. The stadium is designed for many more as you can see where it dips. That can be built upon to make the capacity bigger, comparatively cheaply and quickly. I doubt if it could be done in the close season but I still feel that it could be done maybe by reducing the capacity and just having building works where the stands are being made bigger. Maybe six months might be possible in that scenario. It would just be the seats and the bars and food stalls underneath them. Arsenal fans can be fickle Of course, a bigger ground means that success must be guaranteed. Arsenal fans quickly slope away once we start losing. Not so long ago it was a lot easier to get tickets when we were high midtable. Now we are near the top everyone wants them. Our two main heroes need to be recognised at every match One thing I would like to point out and that is that without David Dein and particularly Arsene Wenger, it would never have been built but neither seem to appear regularly. That needs to change and they both need to be there and applauded at every match. Without them there would be no Emirates stadium and probably few of the many trophies and achievements that made us a great team. We must never forget that. Dein and Wenger - they are the Emirates Stadium To end on a positive note, we have probably the best stadium in the country. All around there is history, input from the fans (lots from ASCB), all kinds of everything in Arsenal accessories, fans from everywhere, some every week, some for the first time. All have that magical level of expectation that they are where they want to be, a part of the Arsenal, drinking in the sights and the smells, looking up, looking around, and being mesmerized by seeing their heroes outside and the real-life players battling for us on the pitch. We are home and we know it.