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A Christmas Roundup - Jan 1st 2024 to Now If we beat Ipswich on Friday we will have 36 points after 18 matches. 18 games in last season we were top with 40. I definitely feel that our best way to win the league is to stay in touch and go on a strong run at the end. There is a lot of pressure being top and Liverpool and Chelsea may yet run into a bad stretch. If they wobble towards the end we can win. Last season we had a powerful finish but City had stronger. City last season, by the way, were fifth on 17 games at that point with 34 points, very similar to us at the moment with 33 points. I can’t remember how City ended the season, can you? It is still very much there for us. We need to believe and give the support. Ipswich are a good side who are not beaten easily Most are already out of the Table of Doom And the Table of Doom? Bizarrely, at the start of the season, I set 92 points as the target. Do you know how many teams are already out of the Table of Doom if I am right with that number? All teams except Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal and, you guessed it - Nottingham Forest. We can get 96 if we win all our matches. I think it is safe to say that won’t happen. Liverpool can still get 102 and Chelsea 98. Our best chance of a trophy? At the start, I did not see either of them having such a strong season, with rookie premiership managers and both teams having potentially big problems. I believed that City, Villa and ourselves would carve out most of the points leading to a bigger amount needed than City’s 91 in 2024. I think it is fairly safe to say probably 88 or 89 is more likely to be enough. I will go for 88 as the new Table of Doom figure. That brings in Bournemouth, Villa, Man City, Newcastle, Fulham and Brighton. City are dead, are they? City can still get 90 and of all the teams in that list, they are the only one where we would not be astonished if they got to 88 or enough points to win the league. If they hit top gear, they are capable of winning all their matches. They only dropped 6 points in their last 21 games and they were 5th at 17 matches last season. We are all still a bit afraid of the City bear wakening up. Honestly, though, I cannot see any of the rest having a strong enough run to win the league. And surely Forest won’t do it? Liverpool, Chelsea and ourselves look to be the ones left if City do not have a miracle turnaround. Can this cuddly bear wake up? And we need, to get to 88, to drop a mere 8 points over 21 matches. 1 draws and two losses is the target and win all the rest. It is a tough ask. We have already lost 2 and drawn 6 in 17. We must be truly superb from now on to win the league. I get the feeling that not too many of us are optimistic. Am I right? Whenever I do start the countdown for the Table of Doom, I feel that there may not be many teams in it. At 88 points, Forest, currently 4th, could only drop 6 points over 21 matches. If they lose their next 2 against Tottenham at home and Everton away, they are already gone and it would not even be the new year. How strong is our squad? So how are we at the Arsenal? Raya, Gabriel, Saliba, Rice, Odegaard and Saka are certain starters. Timber is close to that as well. That leaves Martinelli, Jesus, Trossard, Calafiori, Havertz, Partey, White, Nwaneri, Lewis-Skelly, Merino, Sterling, Kiwior, Tierney, Tomiyasu, Jorginho and Zinchenko to battle for the other 4 places. The emergence of the academy stars, plus Calafiori and Sterling has given us greater depth than last year. We have also had far more injuries this season. Still, there are not too many players I would swap from other teams. Will training with the guys who had him in their pocket improve Gyokares? Will we buy over January? There is talk of Gyokares, Atalanta striker Mateo Retegui, and even Isak but it is hard to know. Only Isak is proven in the Premiership and a new striker could disrupt the team as they work out how to slot him in. I will make a forecast – if we get a new striker we won’t win the league this year. But it could be the missing link that we need to get to the top eventually. Can we win all the rest? Can we win the Champions League? That has always been my dream and without it we are below the true greats. This year looks possible. I can’t see any team that we are incapable of beating and some greats may not even make it to the knockouts. For me that would be a fantastic season even if we finish 4th in the league. The League Cup? Newcastle home and away will be tough as Eddie Howe always sets up to disrupt us. If we get through Liverpool looks the most likely. Will Postecoglou be gone from the Spuds by then? Nothing too easy left but still a good chance of a trophy. Eddie Howe likes frustrating us Manchester United in the FA Cup and in these early days it is hard to see whether we can win the cup. It is our trophy so you never know. It is quite some time since we were in 4 trophies heading to the new year. Can we do that? The only thing I can say is that when I was 13 years old I never really thought it was possible all season to win the double. We never seemed to grab top spot and Leeds and Liverpool were machines. It was extraordinary to do it from low mid-table the year before. The start of winning our trophy? We now have top players in every position, we seem to be united across management and players. The quadruple is on, people. Up the Arsenal!

The Cannon – the best football logo? I guess we were lucky in our past. We started out as Dial Square but quickly changed to Royal Arsenal and then soon after to Woolwich Arsenal. All of these were connected to a munitions factory and gave us our cannon as the heart of our logos. We got a cannon, so shooting, firing, aiming, and yes, winning at these were what we did. It is cool, it is red, and it is ours So we have a cannon, what do other clubs have? A lot of birds and bees, lions and mythical looking creatures including Manchester United’s Devil. Some are not bad, some are quite good, some are simple, some look ancient and one, well, one poor team has a cock as its logo. But we should never laugh, they chose it, they must have known it would turn out to be true. Sorry, I can’t help it, I have to laugh. Arsenal outfire all other teams Even the newspapers and media must love our logo. It gives them all sorts of headlines whether we do good or bad – our young guns are firing or misfiring, The gunners are out gunned or Arsenal outgun the opposition. The gunners are firing blanks, the gunners are firing howitzers, Top guns, or dead guns. The headlines write themselves. Lazy sub-editors just wheel them out every time. I can’t think of any other team’s logo that suits football so well. I mean you can’t really say Brighton’s Seagulls shat on the opposition, can you? Or that Spurs had a cock rammed up their arse. Or that Manchester United’s Red Devils have been thrown into hell. It wouldn’t be nice, would it? You couldn’t say that on Sky or in a newspaper, but you could use any combination of guns and cannons, firing and shooting, hitting and missing for Arsenal and never once have to resort to a bad word. The Devil is about to sink their ship But also for us fans, we get to have a cool logo on our chest, and it has been shaken up many times so we can go retro and have it firing left or modern and firing right. If we buy socks, t-shirts, bedspreads, mugs or any sort of memorabilia, they are always enhanced by our sexy sign. We don’t have to get into bed with a lighthouse (if that is what Everton’s building is), or bees, or Newcastle’s weird looking whatever they are animals, or Manchester City’s boat that looks like it is about to be sunk by a red target, and I am not going to mention the Spuds again. Ours is cool and it is sexy. And above all it is relevant. Football is about shooting. We are Arsenal The great thing is that our logo says what we are, the greatest shooters ever. We were the first real greats of the current top three in England when we dominated the 1930’s and 1940’s. What does Liverpool’s strange bird say to you? I have no idea but maybe the flower it is carrying symbolizes that they will walk alone into the fire at the side of their crest. Manchester United’s Red Devil has a boat above it and it looks like the Devil’s fork is going to sink the boat. Man Utd are doing a good job of that at the moment and City may also have sunk their boat. Maybe all their logos are true? Is that a red target about to sink their ship? West Ham do have a pretty good crest with the two giant hammers which is their nickname and Crystal Palace do have an eagle which looks very serious as it goes about its business. Brentford’s bees I suppose show that they buzz around but never really get anywhere. Burnley’s is… The birds and the bees and whatever else The real kicker is Burnley’s. Did they make a trip to Spain at some point and got Picasso and Dali drunk while conning them into designing their logo? I can’t make any sense of it anyway but what do I know about art? And seriously, what is that bird doing on the top? We outgun them all The truth is, most clubs logos and crests are strange, weird, vaguely mythological looking, and I can’t really see what they have got to do with football. Ours does. And ours looks good. Even the old black and white cannons indicate that we have some strength within us, they look formidable. And our shields which came afterwards have a happy, uplifting feel about them as well, the stars with their Christmassy feel allied to our positive motto give us a class that other teams don’t have. Walking into the fire? The modern one has been pared down. It is sleek and powerful. It can go 3D or it can go small or big and still be impressive. I don’t feel there is any argument. Our logo is the best. Our next task is to live up to our crest and logo and become what we once were, the best team ever. Go Arsenal!

It’s real. City get the biggest points deduction ever! Manchester City are about to get a large points deduction and a large financial penalty from the independent commission looking into their financial irregularities under UEFA Financial Fair Play (FFP) regulations - and the Premier League's own profit and sustainability rules (PSR). You have heard it here first. I will detail the exact fines and discipline they will receive which will most likely not be revealed until next year. How can I do this? You see, my close friend is Sean O’Slipperaigh, who is the main lawyer for Manchester City and he, on the first day of the commission, met up with his counterparts, Roy Boyas (lawyer for the independent commission) and Nigel Kurupt (lawyer for the Premier League PL and UEFA). He told me in confidence all about it. Unfortunately I am a big mouth and can’t keep quiet.This is how it went: These boys are going to get some money Sean: Boys, I have a deal for you that you are going to love. I have a proposal here for a large points and financial deduction that will show that the Premier League and UEFA are tough as fuck. We can agree it today and come in and go on the beer for the next two months until we announce we have reached an agreement and then release it in the new year saying it took months of hard negotiation to achieve. The two others looked at him with a gleam in their eyes. Roy: Are you serious, Sean? You’ve got something good? We will accept it? Nigel: I love dealing with you, Sean. Roy, don’t worry, I know Sean for a long time, he always has something up his sleeve. This is going to be good, believe me. Sean: Of course it is, that’s why I am the best. City can afford the best. I will lay it out for you. City will accept a punishment for every year. So here it is. For 2009 4.5 points taken away for that season and 2 million pounds in fines but one million officially and the other million goes to your top officials, to, eh, help with your national leagues, hee hee, and certainly not to buy fancy houses or holidays. Roy: Well, that does sound good, points and money and in 2009 you weren’t all that bad with dodgy dealings. You were only learning. Nigel, whose eyes were sparkling at the thought of millions going towards houses and holidays, no, sorry, money for the national leagues: Sean, I love the way this is going. Lots of money Sean: For 2010 2.5 points deducted and another two million in the same way. We were still only really learning how to be irregular but we are men at Man City, we will take our punishment. Roy and Nigel: Bravo! Sean, with a big wink in his eye: For 2011 2.5 points deducted and another two million of the same. Those national leagues need supporting. Roy and Nigel both shout in unison: Bravo again. Roy: This is incredible. I thought I would have to spend weeks, maybe months examining evidence, asking hard questions, but you have made life easy for me by putting up your hands straightaway. Nigel: You are a newcomer to international negotiations, Roy, this is how they are all done, we agree everything in advance then go on the beer and champagne for a couple of months, with every so often releasing a press statement saying that agreement is very hard to reach and big arguments are being had. It’s the best job in the world. And we are the best at it. You will look like the toughest guy in the world Roy. You will be the lawyer for independent commissions until you die. These boys will also get some money Sean: If I can continue, for 2012 we didn’t do too much wrong we get zero points deducted but we get fined the two million, one million official and the other for the two organizations to do as they please. Roy and Nigel clap their hands. Sean: For 2013 2.5 points deducted and another two million to keep your bosses happy. Nigel: They will be very happy, they love giving money to themselves, sorry, football, hee hee. Sean: For 2014 1.5 points deducted and a nice little two million again. It will keep coming, don’t you worry. Oh, and waiter, can you make sure you keep our champagne glasses topped up, just watch and if we go low, top us up. We are trying to achieve very difficult goals here and we need liquid refreshment. Champagne all around The two others nodded in agreement. Nigel: Very hard work, this. We are accomplishing great things for the football world. Sean: For 2015 3.5 points deducted and yes, another nice two million. For 2016 0 points deducted as we weren’t too bad that year but the two million you can take for granted. Roy: I am a little worried about the fact that the points deductions are not so bad. There might be a problem about that. Sean: Ah, Roy me boy, don’t you get concerned about that. There are huge points deductions to come. For 2017 1.5 points deducted but for 2018 18.5 points deducted. How about that one? UEFA and the Premier League will look like the hardnosed bureaucrats that they are. And of course the two million for each year. Nigel: 18.5. I love it, Sean. You are the boy, for sure. Sean beams his famous grin: I don’t get paid millions for nothing, Nigel, you know that. Sean: Then for 2019 0.5 points deducted and then another beauty for 2020 14.5 points. And another pretty one for 2021 11.5 points deducted. And never forget the two million coming for every year. Roy: This is unbelievable. And your bosses will agree to this? Are you sure? Sean: I have their signatures already prepared. You just give me yours and we are good to go. We just need to make sure that the gourmet food and drink keeps coming for the months of hard negotiations ahead, hee hee. My good friend Sean O'Slipperaigh Roy: This is my first time doing this, but I will make my name from this. What will be the final points tally and financial fines? Sean: Let me finish, then. For 2022 1.5, 2023 4.5 and 2024 1.5 points deducted. That will make 81 points, easily the biggest points deduction ever and officially 16 million pounds but we will double that, of course, on the quiet. We will probably have to sell one of our best players to afford that. Nigel: Fat Kalvin Phillips, maybe? Sean: Yes, a huge loss, incredible player. Nigel: You have done it again, Sean. You Irish are the true masters of dodgy negotiations. All we have to do now is sign, come on, Roy, get your signature on so we can get back to the serious work of having fun. We’ll let the bosses announce it in the new year. They all sign. Sean: This waiter is starting to annoy me, can he not see my glass is empty?

The Carabou Cup – what is it good for? Absolutely nothing? The top nine league cup winners Team Wins R/up Years Years R/up Liverpool 10 4 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1995, 2001, 2003, 2012, 2022, 2024 1978, 1987, 2005, 2016 Manchester City 8 1 1970, 1976, 2014, 2016, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021 1974 Manchester United 6 4 1992, 2006, 2009, 2010, 2017, 2023 1983, 1991, 1994, 2003 Chelsea 5 5 1965, 1998, 2005, 2007, 2015 1972, 2008, 2019, 2022, 2024 Aston Villa 5 4 1961, 1975, 1977, 1994, 1996 1963, 1971, 2010, 2020 Tottenham Hotspur 4 5 1971, 1973, 1999, 2008 1982, 2002, 2009, 2015, 2021 Nottingham Forest 4 2 1978, 1979, 1989, 1990 1980, 1992 Leicester City 3 2 1964, 1997, 2000 1965, 1999 Arsenal 2 6 1987, 1993 1968, 1969, 1988, 2007, 2011, 2018 All hail King George If it wasn’t for George Graham we wouldn’t even have the two miserable League Cups we have in 1987 and 1993. And if it wasn’t for the Heysel stadium tragedy which meant English clubs were barred from European competition maybe George would have had his priorities elsewhere. It might be just the one. Coca Cola Cup? Why not, George? Do you know we are ninth in the table of league cup winners? Tottenham are above us on four. And everyone knows what Tottenham are. They won it twice before us and twice after that. What does that make us? Shitter than shit? City win it as a warm up Pep, the standard to which Mikel is compared gets a win there most seasons. City have picked up six since 2014 and Pep has five since then. City have eight in total. They can win the league and league cup, why can’t we? Pep likes a League Cup Liverpool won it twice under Klopp so he cared about it. And Liverpool won it four times in their glory years in the 80’s. Chelsea won it three times under Abramovich so he also saw value in it. Ferguson won it four times in his glory years. Arsene could never win it and maybe Mikel will be the same. It is good to be beaten so we concentrate on the League and CL? I have shown that teams can win the league cup and the title even if not necessarily in the same year but in the same time frame. It is no barrier to success. Yet I have heard every year that we go out since Arsene’s time that it is best we were beaten so we can concentrate on the league or the Champions League. How come the other big teams don’t think the same? Alex Ferguson also liked the League Cup Because the league cup gives the squad games so they can come on and do a job if necessary and that has certainly been a weakness in the latter Wenger years and the recent Arteta ones. The squad gets beaten. Which means it is not good enough. Guardiola set his stall out for 2 strong teams right from the start and City had the financial nous to get it for him ( I wonder legally?) Pep brings on players and you wonder are they better than the guys he takes off. The squad players shine in the cups? We have not really been able to do that under Arteta. Eleven players get flogged unmercifully every week because he needs to win. But now? We have gone to a team in North London and won without Martin Odegaard and Declan Rice, two of our very best. I feel we have two teams now although our second choice goalkeeper is now unproven without Ramsdale. Still a keeper’s job in a Carabou cup may not be too strenuous. Raya could stay to give them maturity. Jorginho, Zinchenko, Jesus, and others need full games badly. We could probably put out a second string that a midtable team would like to have. Martin Odegaard - we do need a back-up playmaker I still feel that we are vulnerable to injuries as we cannot really do without key players too long. If the squad players step up in the league and FA cups it will give us all far more confidence. I would love to see them destroying teams so that we say let’s play them instead. Where are we at this season? So what have we learned so far this season? I think one thing is that Martinelli should start as he wears out the full back and Trossard can come in and score whereas Trossard doesn’t leave the full back almost dead on his feet if he starts. He plays a different game but he can be bundled off the ball a bit too easily. Trossard sub for me but a starter in the cups. He has an eye for goal and the ability to do the unpredicted. A good player to have. Could Bolton be our first step towards a long-awaited Carabou Cup? Timber looks class. He seems the right mix of pure talent and competitiveness to be a winner. Calafiori also will improve the team. I feel he will get many chances although defenders don’t get subbed so often. Merino seems to be one that has improved with age. Partey has done well but he doesn’t seem to have the legs for 90 minutes. If Merino takes over I feel that will be a step up. Danger with Odegaard? Odegaard may be the problem unless, say, Nwaneri steps up. Smith Rowe could come in and do a job in the past but he is now performing great for Fulham so we hope Nwaneri could be the guy. Heaven and Skelly will surely get their chance against Bolton and we need them to shine. They must be on the bench for a reason. I would like to see Arteta have a definite team for the Carabou Cup and to go on and win it with them. Yes, play them in the final. All the top teams except Wenger’s have got plenty of titles alongside it. We need this boy to be a teenage sensation Go on, Mikel, show us what the youngsters and a few veterans are made of and win it for us. And follow it up with the title or the Champions League as well for good measure. We won’t complain.